3 Simple Steps to Keep Love Alive

By Ava Green

Relationships. We crave them, they’re necessary, and we often find ourselves trapped or unhappy with what we have. When it comes to romantic relationships, we all go into them with the best intentions, but intentions have to be matched with actions or you’ll soon be in trouble. That’s the rub – taking action, not just hoping or wishing for what you want.

So, if you’re in a relationship and it’s healthy, what can you do to keep it healthy or even thriving? My husband and I have been studying this for over a decade. Here are three simple things that we’ve found make a big impact on our love life!

Start With An Important List

Write down what you love about your partner. What made you fall in love with him/her? Make a list and keep it in your wallet or purse. Seriously, write it down! Review the list every day, and then pick one thing to acknowledge your partner for. If a good sense of humour is on your list, tell your partner that you love how they make you laugh. It may be odd to do this at first but it will get easier as you practice it.

Keeping this list serves as a reminder of why you chose your partner, and acknowledging those things in them strengthens their connection to you. It’s also a great thing to do with your kids!

I Love It When…

When you focus on communicating in a clear, positive way, the results can be astounding! But it can take practice to stop complaints from spilling out of your mouth. I still struggle to reframe things when I’m angry. Here’s the thing to practice when you feel a critique coming on…  

Only speak when you can start the sentence with “I love it when…”. Starting the sentence that way forces you to find the opposite of the critique. For example, instead of saying, “Can you stop leaving the kitchen cupboards open?”, as you close the cupboard say, “I love it when I come into the kitchen and everything is in order. Doesn’t the kitchen look great like this?”. Research shows that a higher ratio of positive to negative comments will improve any relationship, so give it a try at work, too.  

This is one of those things that will have you wondering why you didn’t know this sooner, because everyone thrives when they get positive feedback. It’s life changing!

Focus on Reality

Asking “what if”, living in un-reality, or comparing yourself to others creates a relationship abyss. It will not only get you nowhere, but it’s a painful journey there. Instead, stay focused on the things above – what you love about your relationships and being a positive force in your relationships. You have the power to do that. Focus on being a good listener and a clear and positive communicator. Who doesn’t love to be around that, right? And being that way…it’s contagious!


Ava Green is the co-founder of the popular website TotallyADD.com and TotallyADD Facebook page, and runs Big Brain Productions Inc. along with her husband, producer, director and funny man, Rick Green.   


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