Love The Family You’re With This Holiday

By Tallie Rabin-Claasen

As the holidays approach, while some anticipate a much awaited celebration, others anticipate a time of difficulty and heartache.

As a coach for people divorcing or divorced, and being a child of divorce and divorced myself, I know the strains of determining who will be with whom, when, and for how long. This can tend to take up most of one’s time and energy, leaving the celebratory opportunity nowhere to be found.

Here are a couple of tips to keep you sane during this time and, in the process, increase chances for celebration and vibrant family relationships:

  • Create and act from your vision – close your eyes and imagine that you are having your ideal holiday time, with the people you want to be with, doing the very things you love to do. As you allow your mind to create this vision, allow your body to feel the feelings that you have when you are living that vision. Name that feeling and that experience. Capture it in writing. It could be “blissful, peaceful, fun,” or, “calm and relaxed,” etc.
  • Make a commitment to feeling and being that way during your real holiday time. Our ideal vision is not usually what happens in reality. When you are in the midst of a conversation with your ex, or you are at a family dinner you are not so excited to be part of, take a deep breath and re-create your feelings from your vision and take your next action with the feeling present. See what happens.
  • Enlist support – let people who are close to you know how you are committed to feeling and being during the holidays. Use them as sounding boards to let go of the unwanted feelings as they arise. Ask them to be accountability buddies to keep you true to your commitments, especially when it’s tough. Remember: you don’t have to do this alone, nor does your holiday have to be another “Phew! Glad that’s done and over” experience to throw in a pile over your shoulder, and carry into next year.

Create, commit, enlist support and, in the immortal words of Stephen Stills, “Love the one you’re with.”

Tallie Professional Photos February 2013 005


Tallie Rabin, M.Ed. is a Peaceful Divorce and Family-Life Coach. Tallie is co-hosting an upcoming free tele-summit, Passion Evolution Summit: Unlock the keys to lasting love, relationship & sex, January 13-21, 2014. For more information and to sign up go to

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